You see, the thing is I don’t see why it is my responsibility to make everything nice and swimmy for everybody. If you’re not a friend or a lover, why should I be even remotely obliged to make life easier for you? My life isn’t entirely a pink, fluffy marshmellow dream to begin with, so I don’t see why you are in the least deserving of my kindness. I am not a philanthropist.

So the next time something caustic comes out from between my lips, or if I dunk the whole social situation into an abyss of awkwardness, it’s not because I particularly relish doing so (well, I do, but that’s not the reason), but rather cos I don’t see why I need to make an effort to make you feel comfortable.

Unless, of course, you happen to be very, very cute.